Lessons From the Leaves: What Autumn Teaches Kids and Adults
It’s finally here! Autumn is a time where we start to see the world change and shift right before our eyes. The long and hot days are starting to transition to cooler mornings. The best change of all though? It’s in the leaves. Those bright greens that were everywhere in the spring and summer have started to change their palette. We can look forward to reds, yellows, oranges, and even some beautiful browns in the coming month or two. One of my favorite things about the leaves though, is what it can teach children (and adults!) about the art of letting things go.
Trees don’t really have a say as to whether those leaves change and fall off every year. It’s a scientific truth that happens every time the weather changes to those colder months. We, as humans in the world, also have many things that we don’t have a say in that happen throughout our lives. As adults, this is a much easier truth to acknowledge and move on from. But for kids? This is one of the hardest things their brains may have to understand.
Transition Anxiety
Many children experience anxiety during transitions. This can look different from person to person, but here are some common ways this can show up: intense tantrums or big emotions when asked to shift the activity, increased sadness and tears, defiance about the transition, and excessive reassurance seeking (i.e., When are we going to be home?). The reason transition anxiety occurs is because the nervous system (think fight or flight) is used to what’s familiar, and when we ask it to try something new it can be scary and set off that nervous system. As an adult, you may even experience some anxiety when asked to do something different than what’s in your routine (a good example of this is when someone sits in “your” chair).
So, what can the leaves teach us about managing transition anxiety for kids? I’ve often wondered if trees feel anxious about their leaves changing and falling off. That had to be scary the first time that happened to them as a small tree, because it was so foreign. I think that teaches us a very important skill for managing our kids’ anxiety: empathy. The first step can be just to verbalize that you see what they’re going through and help them find a limit. This can sound something like, “I can see you really don’t want to leave because you’re having fun. It’s time to go home. Do you want me to help you out to the car or are you going to race me out to the car?” You’re telling them you see them. But you’re also not giving up when it’s time to leave. Both can be true.
Growth Mindset
The other thing that I love about autumn and the leaves is that the leaves don’t stay off the trees forever. This is just their time to shed off the old so they can grow out their new leaves next spring. It’s not permanent! Sometimes, kids get the feeling that once something changes, it’s that way forever.
Your child may have some grief that they’re working through right now. They’ve had to get up for school each morning, put away some of the fun summer activities and schedules they used to follow, or maybe they’ve had changes in their friend groups. They may be feeling a little like the leaves losing all their beautiful colors. They need to harness the power of the growth mindset to counteract this a little. You can help in a couple of ways:
The power of “Yet”: Yet is a powerful word because it teaches us that there’s always a way to grow or change. I can’t ride my bike versus I can’t ride my bike yet are two very different experiences in the brain. Help your child by encouraging them to add “yet” when it makes sense to change their mindset.
Praise effort instead of outcome. School can be hard and learning new concepts is not easy. Notice how hard your child works and just point it out, even if the outcome is lower than you hoped it would be. Something simple like, “I saw you study for that math test every night this week. I’m so proud of you,” can change your child’s whole experience in a difficult subject.
Fall is one of the best times of the year! There’s probably a lot more that autumn and the leaves can teach us, as long as we’re paying attention and being mindful of them. If you find yourself struggling to help your kids, or even yourself, notice the good in this transitional time of year, we are here to help. At Become You Therapy in Ogden, Utah, we want to help kids, teens, individuals, and families grow and meet all of their goals for every season. Please don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.
