Help! My Kids Won’t Stop Fighting!
By: Kelci Beus, CMHC, RPT-S
Summer is one of the favorite seasons of the year for many reasons. Kids are out of school, the sun stays up longer, warmer temperatures, and lots of fun activities for both kids and adults. Along with all the fun comes some difficult things too, as guardians often report that arguments, yelling, and fighting increase in the summer months. If you feel like you might be at your wits end and you can’t play referee anymore, this blog may just be for you.
Why Do Kids Argue More in the Summer?
It seems a little counter-intuitive that our kids would get along less in the summer months. After all, the stress of the school year has ended and now everything is a little more lax. So, what makes all the arguing more common? Here are some common reasons kids seem to be at odds more in the summer:
Disrupted Routines- Children thrive on having structure and predictability. School is a great source for this, because they have a very detailed schedule for their entire experience. When summer comes along, we often let kids have little to no structure, which upends some of the predictability they desire. In turn, it also makes it harder to manage impulses.
Increased Close Contact- This may be the most obvious of the reasons, but it is worth noting. Siblings often spend more time together during the summer than they would in the school year, which can trigger more conflict and need for attention.
Physical Discomfort- Summer is loaded with fun, but along with it comes some challenges. If your kids are overheated, exhausted, haven’t eaten for a longer period of time, or just have sensory overload, we can generally expect them to react accordingly. No one likes to be uncomfortable. Children will often turn to each other to get those feelings out.
What Can I Do About it?
So, now that you know what happens and why, how do you handle it as their parent? This can be somewhat tricky to navigate, because each child has different needs and may respond differently to the situation at hand. We will share some general guidelines, but if you find that they aren’t working for you, it may be helpful to seek professional help. Here are some good basics to managing kids fighting in the summer:
Create Anchors- It’s ok to let the routine lax a little in summer. However, as a parent, it’s probably in your interest to have some schedules stay the same. It will help your child to have a consistent bedtime and wake up time, as well as mealtimes, as much as possible.
Stay Out of the Referee Role- Avoid getting in the middle, yelling, or taking sides. It will also benefit your children to pause giving any punishments immediately. It is ok for them to work out their differences as long as they can be safe doing so. If any immediate risk is seen, you will have to step in and end it as an adult. You can always go back and talk about punishments after everyone is calm again.
Praise Positive Interactions- You would be surprised at how far catching them getting along well will go. The more you can highlight their positive interactions, like sharing, taking turns, or generally avoiding arguments, the more they will seek out your praise without recognizing it.
Schedule One-on-One Time- If possible, try to set aside 10-15 minutes for each child daily. During this time, allow your child to dictate how you spend it together, within reason. Allow them to pick the item you’re crafting, let them pick the snack, or just go outside and walk together. It doesn’t have to be extravagant; it just needs to be together.
These tips are not going to solve all of your difficulties with the summer schedule immediately. You may have to tweak them to what works best for your family and the situation. At Become You Therapy in Ogden, Utah, we’re committed to helping you find solutions to what benefits your children. If you think you could use extra support in dealing with conflict, we encourage you to seek help from professionals, as needed.
