Responding to Holiday Stress
It's that time of year, the holiday season! It seems like every year we feel the excitement of the holidays build. We look forward to the upcoming traditions that usually include food, music, games, traveling, family, gifts etc. Then it happens. The unwanted emotions start flooding in. Feelings of stress, anxiousness, irritability, anger, loneliness, guilt, grief, and more.
Sometimes we try to avoid these emotions, pretending they aren't there. Sometimes we shut down. There are times we may take it out on ourselves or our loved ones. Maybe we channel it into being super productive until our body crashes.
It's important to remember that feelings and emotions aren't bad, even if they are uncomfortable or unwanted. Here are some tips to help you manage the upcoming holiday stress and other emotional experiences.
Recognize and label it.
It is important that we are being real about our experiences. It is okay to feel anxious or stressed about spending more time with family and friends. Sometimes it feels heavy and exhausting to do all of the extra work needed to plan, host, or attend events. Using assertive communication skills like I-Statements can help us label our feelings in a neutral, non-blaming way. (The basic I-Statement formula is: I feel…. If/when/because …..) Here’s an example of what this looks like: “I feel overwhelmed because we have so much going on this weekend before Thanksgiving!”
Another helpful communication and labeling skill is using ‘and’ instead of ‘but’. Example: “I love our family holiday traditions but it is exhausting!” Instead try saying, “I love our family traditions and it is exhausting!” While this is a minor, subtle change, it can be extremely powerful! Using the word ‘but’ can negate the first statement making the second statement feel more important or true. Using the word ‘and’ helps create space for both statements to feel true, which is usually a better description of the experience.
Set and maintain boundaries.
It is important to know our limits and protect our mental health and emotional well being. A healthy boundary should always be about keeping yourself safe/healthy, not about trying to punish or make someone else change. Setting boundaries around the holidays might mean saying no. Maybe it is doing certain events/traditions every other year to reduce the chaos. A boundary may include changing how a tradition is conducted to help reduce financial strain, time commitment, protect someone's sobriety, etc.
Mindfulness coping strategies
There are so many types of coping strategies! Finding skills that work for you individually is an important piece to having them be successful. One type of coping skill is mindfulness. Being mindful is all about being present in the current moment and being connected with ourselves. Here are a couple of my favorites that you can try!
Square Breathing - Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, breathe out for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts. (Helpful tips: It may feel weird the first time(s) you do this. Keep trying to give it a real chance! Repeat the breath more than once. If 4 counts or to short or long, change the counts to what works for you. Don't use this skill if there is a reason that holding your breath is unsafe for you.)
5 Senses Grounding -Identify 5 things you see, 4 things you feel (i.e.physical touch, such as hair on face, elbow on arm rest, etc.), 3 things you hear, 2 things smell, 1 thing you taste. (Helpful tips: if you can't identify the number in the moment, for example you can only smell 1 thing, identify a favorite smell for the second.)
Mindful Eating - Focus on the different aspects of what you are currently eating. For example, what does it smell like? What is the texture like? How does it taste? How many times am I chewing this bite?
Take a Break - Remember it is okay to momentarily remove yourself from a situation to have a minute to regulate and calm yourself. Some ways to do this include going outside for fresh air, going to another room by yourself (e.g. the bathroom), putting a pause or end to a specific conversation or activity.
Seek Professional Help If You Need It
Your mental health and emotional well- being are important! Participating in therapy can help you understand yourself and your needs better, provide a safe space to untangle the emotional webs, and learn more strategies to help you handle your day to day more effectively. Our therapists at Become You Therapy are ready to help you if you would like that extra support and we encourage you to reach out.
