Supporting Someone You Love Through Depression and Anxiety

There are many wonderful parts of having a relationship with someone you care about, whether as their parent, partner, or friend. We automatically remember the triumphs and fun times that are important to us. However, the other side of this relationship is supporting each other when things are difficult. One of the hardest ways to support someone is knowing they’re struggling with mental health, like depression and anxiety.

What makes supporting someone struggling with their mental health difficult? This is a nuanced question. Oftentimes, we’re not sure what to say or do, because it’s overwhelming. We may worry that we’ll say or do the wrong thing. On the flip side, if we don’t say or do anything, we may also risk the person feeling alienated or like they can’t reach out for support. Some people may even be experiencing their own mental health struggles and think they can’t be there for someone else. All of these are very real. Supporting someone you love can be simpler than you’re imagining. Here are three concrete tips:

Listen with No Fixing 

When a child falls down, a parent’s first instinct is to fix the wound to help them move on. This starts the minute a child is born, because parents are responsible for their well-being. However, as a child grows, this need shifts. They don’t always need you to fix their problem. They just want you to hear their experiences, regardless of whether there is a concrete solution or not. Some helpful phrases to help your loved one feel heard can sound something like:

“I’m here for you.”

“That sounds really hard.”

“Do you want advice, or just someone to listen?”

These phrases are helpful because they increase their ability to feel heard. This also leads to less shame and isolation.

Validate Their Experiences

Sometimes a knee-jerk reaction to hearing someone you love is struggling with mental health is to use well-worn phrases that we think are supportive (examples: “Just think positive!” or “Everyone gets anxious!”). Even though these are coming from a place of helpfulness, they often minimize someone’s experiences. Depression and anxiety are real, and not always connected to a poor mindset. The more you validate their emotions, the more that builds trust and emotional safety between your relationship. Some ways to encourage emotional validation are to listen and say things like:

“I hear you.”

“I can tell you’re feeling sad and anxious right now.”

“Tell me more about feeling worried.”

Offer Practical Help

It’s common for people to say “Let me know if you need anything!”. And they do mean it. The problem with this is that it’s just vague enough that it can feel somewhat empty. Oftentimes, people experiencing high levels of anxiety and depression find that simple tasks are so overwhelming they don’t feel like they can accomplish any of them. You can help by offering to do specific tasks for them, like offering to bring them a meal, go for a short walk with them, or sitting with them as they do a task. These small actions increase self-confidence and fight depression and anxiety symptoms.

Encourage Professional Help

The bottom line is that there is only so much a family member or friend can do to help someone struggling with depression and anxiety. If you notice that you’re engaging in all of the areas above and the symptoms for your loved one haven’t shifted, it may be time to seek professional help. Therapists have extensive knowledge about these subjects and have creative ways to engage people in changing. At Become You Therapy, all of our therapists would love the opportunity to help you and your loved one feel more capable in the world. If you have questions about what therapy may look like, don’t be afraid to reach out via phone call or email.